I was born independent. As a baby, I would easily play with one object for hours on end and not look for anything else. A lot has changed but my desire to be alone hasn’t left me. I’ve yet to meet a person who feels the same way.
Many would say too much independence has its own implications, but I truly believe my life in New York would be a lot more difficult if I was dependent on friends, family or a significant other. You can imagine I don’t suffer from homesickness quite often.
People ask me how I deal with homesickness and I really have no advice. I have a constant longing for life back in Ireland when it was easier, but know deep down that it’s my mind playing the “grass is always greener” trick on me. I snap out of it quite quickly when I feel the magic of this city jump up on me.
In three days time, I leave for Ireland for the first time in a year. I get to see my friends and family members for the first time in what feels like a century. The girl they left was a different person 365 days ago, and I feel as though I will be re-introducing myself again.
I haven’t divulged half of what happened this past year with you but trust me when I say, I was walking on ice for a very long time. One thing that kept me going was knowing that someday I would be back, safe in my bedroom after all the struggles were over. As silly as it sounds, I knew if I stuck it out I could have that moment back home in Ireland to finally say, I completed a full year and reflect on how far I’ve come. I really can’t wait to take that sigh of relief. This year has been great, but grueling.
I really feel very mixed about visiting home. It’s difficult. Almost like being rich for five days, knowing its going to be taken away again so you scramble to grasp as much as you can. I snap out of my thoughts and realize so often that I have so much on both sides of the ocean. I can do anything I want, but I don’t need anything. I already have it all. If there is one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that.
So now I’m headed back to try and figure out last minute Christmas gifts and schedule my workload for the coming days so I can get on that Aer Lingus flight and let the festive spirit take over. When I land, I will be greeted with everything I could ever need and more. I aim to relax and take in the days at home before returning to the Capital of the World for battle, once again.
Despite the fact that I know New York may never be my forever, I truly know it’s my perfect right now.